How do I fry donuts safely?
A handful of mishaps and a couple of oil burns has made me rather gun-shy about deep frying anything bigger than a cashew. This is especially true for something with water in it, like dough. (I have also tried a countertop "donut maker," but it makes donut-shaped cakes, not donuts.)
How do I get doughnuts into and out of hot oil without splattering? Do I need to accept the splattering and just dress sufficiently protectively?
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Disclaimer: I don't personally deep-fry anything either, but my relatives do.
Proper hardware is essential for this task. Standalone deep fryers suitable for use in a home kitchen can be found fairly easily for under $100. Even cheaper, one can look for a "deep fryer pot" (make sure a strainer basket is included) which is basically the same configuration but round (for a stove element) and without its own heating or controls.
There are four important features of this equipment that provide safety against splattering:
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The oil is in a high-walled container which keeps any splattering directed upwards (and, in particular, prevents it from getting out onto the surrounding countertop, your clothes etc.).
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The food goes into a separate basket first which is then lowered into the oil, giving much greater control.
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The basket has a long handle - so as you lower it, your hands are well out of the aforementioned splatter path.
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The whole setup has a lid or cover which can be set once the food is in place.
Although the strainer basket also allows oil to drain away from the food, this is not a safety feature. The food (and the metal mesh of the basket) will still be quite hot when retrieved from the oil. After allowing the basket to drain fully, holding the basket in one hand, use long-handled tongs (ideally with an insulated handle, but metal grippers - exposing food with hot oil on it to plastic or silicone is not a good idea even if no visible melting occurs) with the other hand to retrieve food and set it on a plate.
Aside from that, common sense will help a lot here - e.g. don't lean over the boiling oil to look at the food while it's cooking. Protective equipment isn't a bad idea, either, but it shouldn't be necessary (except maybe gloves; strainer basket handles aren't that long) with a proper deep-frying setup. It does help to avoid deep-frying food with a high water content - especially don't deep-fry frozen food; it will have dangerous ice crystals on the surface.
If you're still concerned, it's easy to look up videos of how the pros (restaurant chefs with commercial equipment) do it.
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When I deep-fried food fairly routinely, I had to keep to three "rules" on top of whatever common sense told me to do.
First, always place items into the oil so that they fall away from you. If you let it go too quickly, if an air pocket forms, or anything else, you want that splatter pushed someplace where you won't be.
Second, you already know this, but make sure everything is dry on the outside. If the surface is damp, you're going to get steam, which will pop and splatter the oil. Part of this, though, is getting the oil hot enough to cook the exterior quickly, not overcrowding, and letting the temperature come back up between batches, because if you don't, the lower-temperature oil will give the interior time to cook, releasing steam through the not-yet-fried surface.
(In the case of donuts, maybe letting the dough rest for a while, so that the flour absorbs the water, would help.)
Third, let things come up to room temperature before frying. Dropping something cold into hot oil will almost certainly splatter, though I admittedly never looked up whether this is a thermodynamics problem (some oil rapidly changing volume next to unchanged oil) or a moisture problem (condescension from the cold item).
You also probably want some air-space between the oil and the rim of the pot to contain some inevitable splatter. In my experience, that's the real value of the cheap frying appliances: They have a marking that tells you not to fill past it. And worst-case, I've heard (never tried, never seen) that some people will lay the uncooked donuts out on scraps of parchment paper, and slide those in as a unit, making it a little easier to get into the oil safely. It sounds like the paper pulls away like it typically does in baking.
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I don't deep-fry either, so this answer is not rooted in personal experience, but are you aware of "splatter screens"? This is a screen of fine mesh mounted in a round frame and with a handle, designed to sit on top of the frying pan to cut down on the splatter on the rest of your stove. I imagine that you could hold it between yourself and the pan of oil while reaching around with tongs or another utensil, but I don't know how well this works in practice.
Here's a picture of a typical one. If you search for "splatter screen cooking" you'll find lots of sites selling them.
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Evidently if you have a large amount of money to solve the problem, there are robotic doughnut makers which include the fryer, so you could be as far away as you like, behind a shield (built in on some of the spendier models intended to be seen by the end customer) or in another room.
Even on a spaceship in orbit around another planet, if you like...
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